First!

You ever have days where you wake up and you realize that you'd rather just go back to sleep because the real world just makes you feel like crying?

Wow that's depressing. You should probably talk to someone about that.

Now my life? I'd like to say it's radically awesome; that every day is jam-packed with non stop crazy parties, sweet parkour tricks, and so many high fives that I can barely close a fist due to all the callouses. Unfortunately that's not quite the case. Want me to run you through my typical day?

I usually wake up at the crack of noon and mope about. I check comics on-line, turn on my cell, avoid learning things about politics (I used to check news sites, but I think I'm depressed enough without all the bullshit commentary, "experts" on the subject, and general ignorance of the people that discuss things on those forums), and I check my e-mail in the hopes that someone will have received my resume and offer to pay me to smile, run bar codes across a scanner, and push buttons. I have a distinct feeling I may already be overqualified, but I believe my polite demeanor and friendly customer interaction is what pushes me over the top.

Maybe it's the high five callouses.

Where was I? Right, so somewhere between 1 and 2 I manage to make myself presentable and get out of my house (technically not my house) to go bug whomever I've filled out an application for already. They usually don't look happy to see me, but they fake enthusiasm. I feel this is fair, as they're only mirroring what I'm doing. I had this one lady at a seasonal story promise me a job a couple hundred times. It'll never happen. I know it'll never happen. I just go in there to make her feel guilty. I'll probably continue doing it even when I do get a job. I've been thinking about utilizing hand props and makeup to make myself look more pathetic each time I go in. Maybe some eye drops for tears or something.

Holy crap, I should totally borrow someone's kid (or kids), bring them into the store, and tell them: "This is where daddy is going to work soon!" all excited and stuff.

That's not just tragic, that's Lifetime movie-of-the-week tragic. Damn.

So besides creative harassment, I also apply to jobs I'd love to have but may or may not be qualified for. Like Special Projects Industrial Bio-Chemist III. Now I have no earthly idea what the hell that job entails since the details were totally TL;DR but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with making zombie monsters. How awesome would that be until they broke out and tried to devour you? Even then you might get some end-of-the-world sex with the hot intern and you know an evil zombie-making corporation is some to have some fine ass interns.

At night I play Furcadia on occassion.

I know. I'm a little sad too. Just when you thought I was kind of cool now you find out I'm somewhere between freaky-deeky sexual deviant and super nerd. Because if there's one thing worse than an MMORPG nerd it's a text-based MMORPG nerd.

I always thought of it like an acting exercise myself. You make a character, give them a personality, put them into a fantastical setting, and let the plot work itself out during interactions with other unique individuals. Unfortunately most of these unique individuals happen to be epic geared half-demon super vampire wolf trans gender... Look, you kind of just had to be there for that one. It was fucking weird.

Actually that sort of sums up the whole thing for you right there. Fucking weird. It's somewhere in between a Montel Williams show and soap opera for drama (both in character and fo' realz) with your occasional bouts of anime/bad action movie-inspired physics defying fights scenes. If you want to make the argument that physics doesn't really have much of a place in fantasy combat, much less fantasy combat amongst a bunch of scantily-clad (because they are all scantily-clad) cat girls and wolf guys with wings that shoot fireballs then I will tell you to go fuck yourself, because I am not sitting through that bullshit conversation again. Don't even get me started on shadow magic. Just don't.

...what the hell is wrong with me?