DAMN SON!

Hi there internet and all 3 people that may or may not still follow this.

So it's been a while.

I missed you too.

Alright, enough with the touchy-feel-y crap, let's get down to what we're all really here for. The nitty-gritty in-your-face action that you subscribe to me to. The kind of hard hitting article that you've been dying to see for months on end.

You should probably get out more.

It's weird how everything can change and yet be so remarkably similar. I'm still doing a job that I think will ultimately be temporary and not a career. I'm living in a somewhat decent apartment again. I'm in decent shape still and sadly remain single. Also I'm still working on things that I've said I was working on years ago. It's a vicious cycle.

Mostly because I'm stuck in Act 2. Fucking Act 2.

Let me break this down for you.

I'm working on a script. It will be the next big thing guys. For serious. You will go see it. You will love it. You will buy merchandise. I will get rich. But I'm stuck on Act 2. There's this fight scene I need to push through but I've also got a few nagging issues with certain amounts of Fridge Logic that I keep thinking about and it's keeping me from pushing on. I meant to have the whole thing done and started on the sequel months ago but... Life and procrastination. My worst enemies.

Oh, and Skeletor. He knows why.

Scripted

Alright, so my new passion in life is writing.

Not blogs mind you. Public journals only get you so far in life.

No, I've decided to try my hand at writing for television. You may wonder why I took a sudden swerve in the job department (after all, my last big occupation was stilt walking, but we'll get to that later). You may question my ability to write a half-hour show when my posts have been getting considerably smaller and spaced out as the months go by. You may also wonder why the title of my blog is Paste Cut Copy.

The answer to the last one is that I was having an off-day in the creative names department. Also I think Surf Ninja Delivers was already taken. Probably by some sort of Hawaii-based Asian food place. Coincidentally, if that name is not taken yet then I call dibs.

As for the other two questions I feel that I have a great and amazing original series idea (like so many other writers out there) that will make me rich and famous. Or at least get me my WGA standard 60K for idea rights. So, win-win situation I guess (if I can figure out the correct series bible format). Besides, when they okay crap like this for a whole season then I think pretty much anything can slip on by investors.

Seriously, have you watched the first episode? It's like they tried to mash up 'How I Met Your Mother' with 'Friends' after stuffing in as many unfunny lines of dialogue they could.

The writers come off as hackier than a machete wielding Jason on crack at a college orgy.

Besides the crappy script, the decision to remove the sitcom staples of a three camera studio set-up and a laugh track are just ludicrous. I'll be honest, this isn't the worst show I've ever seen, but it's up there. At least with canned responses someone can pretend the show is funny.

 So stilt walking!

My buddy calls me up the other day to ask if I can stilt walk. The answer I give him is a simple and eloquent, "No."

He says they'll train me. I ask if it pays. He says it does. I ask when I start. He asks if I can get down to the beach that afternoon. I say sure.

The event they've got going is Beach Street USA. So for all you stalkers of mine out there (you creepy bastards) you now have some idea of my geographic location.

After two unsteady hours of standing between a wall and a van on drywall stilts I decide that my knees have never done me any favors and that they are a bunch of freeloading joints. Screw 'em. I wade out into the unknown with only my wits and functional inner ear to guide me. If I fall I am determined to land on one of the fatter tourists.

I survived without a single fall. I'm also a pro stilt walker now I guess.

Sadly the stilt walking season (and Beach Street USA) has ended and I find myself again gainfully unemployed. I have made the decision never to drywall though.

Long way to the top.

So I've had this idea gestating for a while about making movie trailers for old video games. Ones where the licensing may or may not be an issue (just in case). I'm still, unfortunately, using my crappy old JVC mini-DV cam until I can get some paying work. Then I'll upgrade to a fancy HD cam. Hopefully that happens soon so I can quit looking at grainy, distorted bullshit in my Adobe programs.

Right off the bat I'm putting together a fake trailer for this old game called Deja Vu. Don't ever play this game by the way. It's terrible. But it's a noir-detective thing and I can pull that off without a lot of fancy hoo-hah and special effects. A little syrup, red food dye, creative lighting and fake guns and bam! We're in business.

Still trying to get work at some of the large studios out there. Actually finished my reel finally. It's... Passable, but I feel like B-roll and a few generic effects just aren't going to cut it. I'm still planning on shopping it around until I can get some higher quality equipment to use. Until then I'll just curse the college I went to for having a vastly underfunded Film & Video department.

And they still haven't sent me my diploma. Yes. I graduated. They just happen to be assholes I guess.

I think I just need to get the hell out of where I am right now in life. It's a small comfort that there are millions of others across the country thinking the same thing. I just feel like hitting something, but I like all of my stuff.

Maybe I'll just head out to a dump with a baseball bat and see what they'll let me wail on.

A long time coming

Alright true believers, I know it's been a while since my last blog but hey, that's life.

Now where to start...

I've just recently walked back into the job market (HIRE ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD), but it isn't like I'm desperate or anything. What's a huge bummer is that the last job I had I really liked and everyone was pretty cool but, for personal reasons, I quit.

So without getting into any details let's move on to something more cheery. I noticed that ever since I graduated college I've been trying to limit my job search to places where I have family. That really hasn't worked out that great so far so I'm broadening my horizons quite literally.

But to whence doth I search? To what ends shall I send my resume? From the Atlantic to the Pacific, across the grand expanse of plains, mountains, swamps, and other Magic the Gathering mana cards! There but by the grace of the Internet do they fly across to thine hands 'o employers and Human Resource Managers!

Yeah. So I should probably get back to updating that Word document with my job history on it. Then I'll either shotgun to everyone I can possibly find or maybe I'll just make myself Recession Proof!

You know what? Let's talk about Regular Show for a little bit.

It is a cartoon that gets away with so much crap I can't believe it's not on Adult Swim. It feels like two dudes just made a hilarious cartoon that references the 80s all the time for themselves and that they totally did not have kids in mind as the target audience. THAT is why the show is so awesome.

Boy I tell you what...

So you know how the Texas state motto is: "Don't Mess With Texas" right?

Well they fucking mean it.

Okay, so it's mostly a symbolic gesture of respect but there's always that nagging doubt that somehow Mr. Norris has accumulated so much word-of-mouth renown that he has gained superhuman powers through the sheer force of collective human belief. In other words it's a mind over matter sort of thing where the general populace of the planet Earth contributes to Chuck's physical abilities by way of psychic consensus.

Or some other pseudo-science explanation. Actually I'm pretty sure that what I just explained was an episode of Star Trek. Or at least it should have been.

So currently I'm employed as a Master of the Custodial Arts (or a janitor if you want to be a dick about it). But that won't last for long. I've already got a career-style job lined up and, while I'm not going to tell those of you who don't already know, it's a pretty awesome one. Suffice to say, my PT starts up next month and will involve me running around and doing push-ups in both the frigid cold and the blistering rain. Then they'll probably have me visit the Hyperbolic Time Chamber or something. Personally I've got my fingers crossed for a sweet montage.

Speaking of cool things to watch how about this amazing bit of machinima?

I just get a good tingly feeling when I watch that... Or perhaps that's just my spider-sense.

Since it is getting to be about that time I want to wish everyone a Happy Festivus! Go out and drink some eggnog, sing along to Adam Sandler's Chaunkah (or Haunkkah) Song, and have sex with someone in a Santa or elf costume! I'll be wrapping presents.

Just plain angry

I'm not a fan of television anymore.

It seems for every brilliantly written show or cartoon there's some piece of crap out there lurking in prime time and hoping to destroy everything about the art of the moving picture we hold dear.

Most of them are 'reality' shows.

Now obviously these shows are scripted and then edited way down in order to make anything resembling action and drama occur, but the sheer amount of these shows that pour out of basic and cable stations is overwhelming. Now I could list some examples of these but I figure you probably know of a few examples of your own.

I used to wish they'd bring back the physical-based game shows I grew up with, but the best they could manage to come up with is an MXC knockoff called Wipeout. I mean come on guys! I don't want to see some fat little kids bump into a foam cut-out and be knocked about six inches backwards into a shallow pool! I want to see some fat little kid get tangled in a rope net, dangle precariously over a flimsy metal pole, and drop about eight feet into a freezing (and possibly infrequently cleaned) pool of water like in Legends of the Hidden Temple (I really shouldn't need to link that)!

Basically what I'm saying TV execs, is that if people are not straining themselves to their peak mental and physical capabilities then I want to see children hurt themselves for crappy prizes and self glorification. If you can't make that happen then I'm going back to my completely fictional shows. They're shot better anyway.

I'm also angry about politics come to think of it. There are way too many reasons for that, but the major one is that we need taxes to be raised to offset the deficit. Now raising them across the board would be a huge dick move considering the financial recession that we're still in, but if we raised them for the top earners... Say... The people making $250,000 or more a year I figure it might make a difference.

And don't bring up 'trickle-down' economics. That shit doesn't work. The argument that the rich will just take their money elsewhere or lie to undercut the $250,000 earning limit? That's why we have federal regulatory committees or, better yet, the FBI. Let's focus a little bit more on domestic terrorism guys. That includes fear mongers in political parties who make up all sorts of bullshit while they try to cover their own ass. Personally? That makes me scared.

And if I'm scared then the terrorists have already won. Maybe.

Although I'm guessing most terrorists care less about our country living in a state of fear (we manage that just fine on our own thanks) and more about killing us for religious, socio-economic, and/or patriotic reasons.

I'm going to go out on a limb here, but even if foreign dependence on oil isn't the main cause of our continued involvement in the Middle East it sure as hell isn't helping us get out of there.

SCIENCE!

Some days I just feel a lot more intellectual than others. I may suddenly have an interest in particle physics, develop a new appreciation for forensic pathology, or I just start to wonder why the sky is so damn blue.

Well today I stumbled upon this.

Thanks science! Now Jurassic Park is ruined FOREVER. Geez science, as if taking away Pluto's planetary status wasn't enough.

On the down low I have the secret belief that there are some scientists out there that just like to fuck with everyone not in their field of study. I'm guessing it's a passive aggressive way to make up for all those wedgies suffered in their developing years.

Why else would they attempt to destroy us all just to see what's inside a quark?

Oh, way to disprove God as being necessary for the development of the universe and life as we know it Stephen Hawking! Some of us were looking forward to going to heaven! Now what's going to keep me from living in debauchery and sin if organized religion isn't there to guilt-trip me? Common sense and the laws of man? As if.

So on a completely unrelated note, who's been watching The Walking Dead? I was sort of worried it'd just be a direct adaptation of the comic series (of which I've read) but early into episode 2 I saw a lot of creative liberties taken and I'm glad they took them! Not that the comic series has any faults, but I didn't need to see something I've already read. The best part of the TV series taking a new direction from the comic series? Now I can't post up spoilers because events may be extremely different!

So I'm excited about Sundays again. You know, what with religion being confirmed false by science and me not being a huge football fan at least there's one thing I can look forward to. And to think I drank all that wine (grape juice at my church) and ate all that bread for nothing! NOTHING! But we'll always have the holiday songs I guess...

Oh, P.S. There's a stomach flu going around so wash your hands and don't share your drinks. Just letting you know. Helping a brother out.